


Renegades

by mirkwood131



Series: EXO Central [10]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, M/M, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 13:19:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13482315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkwood131/pseuds/mirkwood131
Summary: Chanyeol loves Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo loves Chanyeol. But when Kyungsoo leaves Chanyeol behind, will the other still wait for him to come back?





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously consider myself the crappiest summary writer ever. Not even one good and slightly interesting idea came to my mind...not even one.  
> Anyways. I felt in the mood to write something a bit more action packed, but not really, with war as the background for some Kyungsoo character development. Not sure if this is sci-fi or not. You could just place this in whatever time period you want. Anything I suppose works, from the 1940's to somewhere in the future.
> 
> enjoy :)

“Watch out!” Chanyeol yells as the ball passes right by the other’s elbow, falling a couple of meters behind him.

It stirs a cloud of dust that swirls around their feet, covering their shoes in dirt before everything becomes still once again.

“Why didn’t you watch out?” the boy asks, striding towards the ball.

He picks it up with both hands and kicks it back onto the ground. “Kyungsoo…”

The other boy gives him a quick glance before he hits the object. Chanyeol raises his eyebrows and takes a step forward to touch Kyungsoo’s arm; the ball lands on the other side of the fence that surrounds the yard and rolls down the hill until they can’t discern its shape from the tall bushes.

“Fuck off!” Kyungsoo yells, pushing, pushing and pushing Chanyeol with both hands until he trips on a rock and falls down. “Fuck off! Fuck off!” he mumbles as his voice becomes shakier; until he runs out of words so he only shouts at the clouded sky.

 

This is the way the end of their 12th year at the boarding school catches them both. Only 2 months left until returning home. But not all of them. Walking every single day on the same hallways among hundreds of boys for twelve years, Kyungsoo has managed to remember all of their faces. Most of them, right when the summer melts into autumn, would be sent to the battle front. Others, luckier ones, would apply for university. Some, none of those. But all those faces are etched in his mind, as if he knew them one by one.

“My father can talk to the board of directors. He could get you out of this mess.” Chanyeol says as they are both walking through the empty hallway, up to their shared room.

3 more days, and the school year ends, without the joy or excitement that the prospects of unleashed freedom would give. Outside, there are only cages.

“Like you?” Kyungsoo says, glancing at the other.

Chanyeol’s brows furrow as he starts chewing the inside of his lips. “They wouldn’t send you out there if he talked to them.” the boy says. “They wouldn’t, Kyungsoo. They wouldn’t.”

Chanyeol grabs the other’s wrist, dragging him forward until he is towering over him, casting shadows over his face. Kyungsoo steps over his white shoe and stops; it leaves a big brown mark that resembles the logo on the other’s t-shirt. A bright yellow circle with some blue letters over it: _Nano Ammunition_. The company that his father owns.

“We would be out of danger…and then you could apply to university with me. I don’t want to lose you Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol says, shaking the other’s arm as his grip tightens. When he removes his fingers, there’s a bright red indentation on the olive skin. “I don’t.”

“I can’t.” Kyungsoo says. “I can’t. Shouldn’t you do the same for the rest of them?! Save them too?”

His voice is growing stronger and stronger in intensity, until it reverberates through the empty hallways, running on the walls and out of the open windows, getting lost in the forest surrounding the school.

“I don’t love them, Kyungsoo!! I only love you, for Christ’s sake…I only love you.” Chanyeol says and closes the distance between their bodies.

He shakes his head, closing his eyes shut. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. For me. Do it for me. Why are those stupid principles so important when you are sent to certain death?! Why?!” Chanyeol’s voice falters, shakier with each word said.

“Then come with me to war! Die with me…”

“You will die and nobody will fucking thank you for that. When the war will be over you’ll be one of those millions of boys sent to death. That’s it. Then another war will start and they’ll do the same. Over and over again.” Chanyeol says, cupping Kyungsoo’s face with his trembling fingers.

He gently runs them across the tanned skin, passing over a mole on his chin and stopping exactly at corner of his mouth.

“It wouldn’t be fair…and I cannot live like that.” Kyungsoo says, leaning into the touch.

“If you love me-”

“Don’t ask me that. Please. Don’t.”

“Tell me that you love me, Kyungsoo…do you?” Chanyeol asks, brushing his thumb over the other’s bottom lip.

“So much…I love you so much. But I cannot let your father do that…not when all of our friends are going to war.” Kyungsoo says.

 

The last two months have passed in a tumble of thick and sticky fog, clinging to their minds as if it was trying to erase every memory and sense. They were both grabbing at each second to stretch it, make it appear longer. In the end, that summer ended too soon.

Back at home, away from the boarding school, the reality painted itself more vividly than between those tall walls. Thinking became a constant, but speaking the thoughts out loud never came as an option for either of them.

“Maybe the war will end sooner. Somebody might capitulate.” Chanyeol says to him one day, as they both lay on Kyungsoo’s bed.

“Maybe.” he says, but on the news, each day passing, another country enters the war.

“When everything will be over…we will go to New Zealand. Stay there for a month…do nothing.” Chanyeol says, brushing a lonely hair strand from Kyungsoo’s eyes.

Kyungsoo laughs. “That’s what you already do.”

“Not from September. When college starts I-” but he stops, as Kyungsoo cracks his knuckles too loudly as if to hide his every word; he sighs and hides his head in Chanyeol’s nape.

He leaves a small kiss over the warm skin, and another one until he reaches his ear. Gently, he bites onto it and Chanyeol immediately starts giggling.

“Don’t wait for me.” Kyungsoo says, looking straight into the boy’s eyes.

“I-”

“Don’t. I want you to be happy.” he says, gripping in his fists the hem of Chanyeol’s t-shirt.

“My father can still arrange for you-”

“Why can’t you fucking understand that I can’t?! I’m not like you…” Kyungsoo says, the last words only as a whisper. But Chanyeol has heard him.

“No…you’re not.” he whispers and pulls the other up, until he is sitting on top of him. “You’re better than me.” he says, lightly kissing his lips. They feel chapped and dry, but as the kiss deepens, he can only think about the first time he leaned in-on a rainy day of their 9th year at the boarding school-and pressed his mouth with too much force onto Kyungsoo’s. He received one bloody lip that day and the promise that it would never happen again.

His heart keeps beating against Kyungsoo’s own, like the wings of a butterfly, hitting the glass of a jar in their way.

“Kyungsoo…” he says, as the kisses trail all over his body and the other’s smaller hands are caressing his skin, touching him everywhere, burning his flesh.

“I love you…” Kyungsoo says into a kiss.

Chanyeol’s body stills for a moment, lips parted and pupils blown out. “Don’t leave me…please don’t.” it’s what he eventually says.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please read with caution if the subject of war and battlefront is uncomfortable for you
> 
> enjoy :)

After one week, a military van stops in front of Kyungsoo’s house. His mother keeps pressing the palm of her hand onto her trembling lips while his father shakes his hand and returns to the spot next to her. As the car gets further and further away, their shapes become one with the house and the withered bushes in front of it. There’s only a black backpack at his feet, holding all of his belongings. He was told that he doesn’t need much, anyways.

The driver keeps humming a song that Chanyeol used to listen every single day in the 11th grade, so much so that at night, he would sing it in his sleep. He hasn’t seen Chanyeol since that day in his room, but somehow, this made the departure easier. One less person to say goodbye to.

For the first part of the ride, there is only him in the vehicle, him and the driver, not saying one word one to another. After a couple of hours, the van stops in a small town where a boy around his age occupies the seat next to him.

“So, what’s your name? We’ll be in here for quite a while. I heard that people that travel in the same car are put in the same division.” the stranger says, leaning closer and closer into Kyungsoo’s side. “I’m Baekhyun.”

“Kyungsoo.” he says and turns around to look out of the window.

“You are not very talkative, are you?” Baekhyun asks, shifting even closer to him. “A friend who’s already been recruited, ya know, said that it sucks balls to be alone in this.” the boy continues, somehow managing to open the window on the left side.

“Close it, kiddo.” the driver says in a hoarse voice.

“Yes, sir.”

It’s silent inside the car afterwards, only the low buzz of the engine being audible. The towns are disappearing behind them, replaced by fields of corn and wheat.

“Do you have a girlfriend? Girls are so emotional right now…mine literally cried for two days straight before I left, ya know. Can ya imagine? No sex for fuck’s knows how much…” Baekhyun says, sighing and tapping his fingers on the headrest in front of him. “You really don’t talk much.”

Kyungsoo smiles and eventually bursts out in laughter.

“What’s so funny?”

“You…” Kyungsoo says, taking a deep breath in.

“You know they’ll shave our hair off? When we return back home, ma girl won’t even look at me with a bald head.” Baekhyun says.

He then proceeds to slap Kyungsoo’s arm and retrieve a pack of biscuits from his backpack.

“You want some?”

But Kyungsoo shakes his head and so, Baekhyun throws one into his mouth, leaving a trail of crumbs all over his clothes.

“Your loss. I hope we won’t share a bunk or something together. I snore, ya know.” Baekhyun says with a mouthful.

“I do too.” Kyungsoo says.

“I guess my dad gave it to me. Ma always complained about that. You seem uptight. Are you a richy who went to a fancy boarding school where they taught you manners and crap?” Baekhyun asks, shoving another biscuit into his mouth. And then another one.

“Ya know, state school sucks balls. But sweaty ones. I can’t even imagine how chicks suck dick.” Baekhyun says, shoving the last biscuit in the pack into his mouth; he throws the wrapping outside the window and rubs his hands together.

After a while, his chattering ceases, and Kyungsoo isn’t even sure when. He can only think that right now Chanyeol is in his own house, preparing to leave for university and start his new life. How easily he could have accepted his offer…

The van makes another stop in a village this time and another boy comes to sit right next to Baekhyun.

“I’m Baekhyun and he is Kyungsoo. He doesn’t really talk, ya know, but he’s a good listener. What’s your name?”

“Jongdae.” the other says and extends his hand to shake Baekhyun’s.

“He’s not that friendly. My bet is that he’s a richy.” Baekhyun says, glancing from time to time at Kyungsoo, who keeps looking out the window.

“Richies don’t go t'war.” Jongdae says. “So he can’t be one.”

“Kyungsoo, please talk to us.” Baekhyun mumbles and shakes the other’s arm. “Are you one?”

“No. Would I be here if I were?” Kyungsoo says.

He sighs, thinking once again about Chanyeol, about his parents, about the life he left behind their moving van.

The rest of the ride is done in silence, Baekhyun trying from time to time to stir a conversation, but in the end, even himself had to give up. They reach the camp in the afternoon, when the sun is beginning to set behind a dusty veil of purple clouds.

It isn’t much of it, just a couple of bigger and smaller tents scattered around, filled with people of all ages talking and shouting orders.

“Folks, this will be our temporary home, ya know.” Baekhyun says, resting one hand on each boy’s shoulder. “They will first shave off all our hair-I have such beautiful hair-“he says, running a hand through it-“it will suck balls to see it on the floor.”

“It will grow.” Kyungsoo says, but all he can think about is that nothing will soon matter in the long run. That they will almost be bald and dirty and hungry. Just another phase before they’ll be 2 meters underneath the ground. But he doesn’t say any of that.

“I wish I were rich.” Jongdae says, shifting from one foot to another.

“Everybody does. But then, who would fight in their wars?” Baekhyun asks.

For a while, nobody pays any attention to them, people walking passed them, going on with their chores. The van is already long gone, eaten by a thick cloud of dust. Baekhyun is the first one to sit down, right underneath a withered oak tree. Jongdae follows his example, and leans on the crusty bark on which myriads of ants are passing.

Kyungsoo gulps down as a man in a green, military uniform approaches them. He cracks his knuckles, too loudly for the sudden silence and the two other immediately stride to where he is.

“Privates.” the man says, frowning, as if they were already too unfit to be there. “First. You will get rid of those clothes. Take your appointed ones. Get a shave. And hop in the truck. There’s no time right now for fairytales.” he says, turning on his heels.

“Excuse me. But isn’t there any training, ya know?” Baekhyun asks, stepping closer and closer to the other.

When the man stops and turns around, he almost bumps into his chest.

“You will train when I say that you will train. You three will train on the battlefield. There’s no time for monkey business.” the man says, as spit lands exactly on Baekhyun’s face, from the space between two cracked teeth.

“Are we clear, private?”

“Yes, sir.” he says and looks down.

The man continues his walk and the three of them keep a tacit distance behind him. During the short process of shaving and changing their clothes, none of them say anything. It is like, with every garment peeled of their skin and thrown onto the ground, they rapidly renounce of everything they had and knew before they came to the camp. With extremely short hair and dirty green uniform, they almost look the same.

“You two look funny.” Baekhyun says after a while.

Once they walk out of the tent, a green truck occupies the empty spot in front of the entrance. All three of them get inside, and the chatter immediately dies down, as the men inside glance into their direction.

“Where are we going?” Baekhyun asks after a while, feeling the metal bar dig into his back.

“Battlefield. How old ar'ya? 15?” one of the men asks, showing his missing tooth through a crooked smile.

“18, sir.”

“I thought they’d send younger.” the second one says and the three of them burst out in laughter.

“Don’t shit your pants tonight and scream for ya'mommies, righties? The enemy might hear'ya.” the first man says, looking from one boy to the other.

“Leave them alone, Kris.” the third one says, fiddling with a grass blade, sliding it on his tongue from time to time.

“He’s newer. The first day, I tell ya, I heard him crying like a pussy.” Kris says, reaching over to pat the other’s shoulder.

The boys keep quiet, watching the exchange between the strangers, while somehow, they keep shifting closer and closer to each other.

“Have you hold a gun ever before?” the third man asks.

They all shake their heads and Kris bursts out in laughter once again.

“Before ya'know it, they’ll start shooting each other. Once, there was one who shoot his cock. His fucking cock!!” Kris says, slapping his knees as laughter bubbles once again on his lips.

“I’m Junmyeon. And that’s Minseok.” the third one says with a smile. “Don’t take to heart what Kris says, he’s a good man.” he continues.

His smile doesn’t reach passed his mouth.

The rest of the ride is done in silence, Baekhyun humming from time to time a pop song and Kris saying a lewd joke when the quiet is too much to bare. They pass by a couple of villages that only seem to resemble burnt out carcasses of dead creatures, thrown on the ground. Everything is still, no trace of life, not even on the fields that have crops on them.

By midnight, the truck eventually stops in the middle of a thick blackness. Looking closely, some grey light is coming from beneath the ground. But, like the rest of the country, everything is silent and unmoving, in a constant wait.

“Those are the trenches. That’s where we are going.” Minseok says, jumping out of the trunk.

“One time…when they delivered some kiddos like the three of ya-” Kris says, rubbing his nose and looking around-“right when they got out of the car, they were shot. Pow-pow and all 5 of them dead on the ground.” he continues, grabbing Baekhyun by the nape. “Don’t get killed so quickly.”

The boy gulps down and climbs off the truck with difficulty, as his boot gets caught in the railing. Kyungsoo quickly pulls the shoe with both hands, until the other is finally down, on the ground.

Only the crickets can be heard in the darkness of the night and a low, background noise that resembles a choir of voices. Kris pushes them towards the opening of the trench, until only a couple of centimeters separates them from the emptiness underneath them. The tranches are only an extremely long and quite deep hole in the ground, going on and on for kilometers, connecting at certain points with other smaller ones. On each side, there are piles of ground, acting as long covers for the people inside.

“Come on. Jump inside.” Kris says, pushing Kyungsoo to the edge.

A couple of dozen of meters in front of them, he can clearly see the torches and men gathered around underneath some holey tarpaulins.

“This is the lounge area.” Kris says with a grin. “In that backpack ya have a sleeping bag and some other shit. Ya don’t have time for that fucking crap. Ya sleep on the ground.” Kris continues and stops from talking when they reach the rest of the men.

“You motherfucking bastards! Alive?” one of the soldiers says, sitting up to drag Kris and Minseok into a hug. “And those are the new ones?” he asks with a raise of his eyebrow.

In the dim light, Kyungsoo cannot discern their faces too well, but they all appear to be covered in dirt and dried out blood.

“I’m Lu Han.” he says and shakes the other three’s hands with a bright smile.

“He ran away from the fucking Chinese camp and ended up in ours.” Kris laughs, slapping Lu Han over the shoulder. “We almost shoot him. No, Junmyeon almost did.”

“Let them sleep.” Minseok says, glancing at the three boys. “There. You can sleep there.” he points towards an empty spot near the end of the trench.

Jongdae takes out the sleeping bag from the backpack and unrolls it in front of him. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun only cover themselves with the blankets, sitting close to one another.

The men’s constant chatter only ends late, when the sun is rising from behind the tree tops, so lazily and without much force. Kyungsoo only drifts to unconsciousness when morning comes and the darkness is erased by the grey light peaking through the holes in the tarpaulin. From the spot next to him, he felt Baekhyun’s every whimper and tremble of his body. It seemed like the longest night of their life, as Jongdae eventually stepped out of his sleeping bag and crawled closer to their spot.

“Wake up, sleepin’ beauties.” Kris says, poking their cheeks. “Here. Ya rations. They should last ya for the whole day so don’t eat everything right now.” he throws the packets over the blankets and walks back to where Minseok is standing; he is carving with a small blade a piece of wood of the size of a finger.

Even though their talk is shushed, Kyungsoo can still make out most of their words.

“They used to train them for 3 months only a year ago. No wonder ours die like chicken and the Americans survive. They are only meat for the bombs.” Kris says, dragging a flask to his mouth.

“They are good kids.” Minseok sighs, looking over at them.

“All of them are good kids. This doesn’t mean they won’t die in a couple of days.” Kris says.

Junmyeon, trying to put the dark green helmet on his head, walks over to where they are and knocks some canisters of gasoline down; Kris puts them back up, not before he throws a dirty rug in his direction.

“Maybe they won’t. They’ll move us closer to Pyeongyang in a couple of days.”

“How t'fuck you know that shit?” Kris snaps.

“Have you heard any bombs last night? Or last week?”

“I wasn’t here last week.” Kris says, yawning. “Maybe they will.”

“Don’t hope.” Minseok says.

Around nightfall, when their stomachs are grumbling in displeasure, the rations turned out to be not enough. All of them are still standing in the same spots as in the morning, as Kris and Junmyeon are playing cards and Minseok is still carving his small wooden piece. Kyungsoo thinks it resembles a deer, but the shape is rather contorted, so it could be anything. Even a gun.

“I thought we’d do shit, ya know. But we did nothing all day.” Baekhyun says from the top of a big crate; like this he can see the entire field and the red lights in the distance that cover the shape of a city.

Most of the trees are either fallen down or burnt until they only resemble lonely toothpicks. The earth is filled with holes from recent or older bombs, and everything is quiet.

“It doesn’t even look like war. Maybe like we are camping in a dirty hole.” Baekhyun says, glancing back at Kyungsoo.

“Trust me. You don’t want to know how the war is, kiddo. Not very…pleasant.” Junmyeon says, cleaning a pair of boots in a corner. “Usually, when you just sit like this…they move you somewhere else.”

“Pyeongyang?” Kyungsoo asks.

“So you heard. Probably. But not all of us.” Kris say, playing with the cards in his hands; he shuffles them quicker and quicker until they all fall down at his feet.

 Baekhyun yawns and rubs his stomach, looking from time to time at the discarded wrappings of the rations.

“I miss ma'girl.” he says.

“You’ll get used to it.” Junmyeon laughs. “I have a kid back home.”

The man smiles, and puts the shoes aside. He takes something from the pocket of his jacket and hands it to Kyungsoo.

“It’s her 1 year ago. She’s 10 now.”

Kyungsoo looks at the picture for a couple of seconds before he gives it to Baekhyun, who snatches it from his fingers.

“Name?”

“SeoHyun. She looks like her mother…I keep it there just to remind myself that she’s waiting for me back home.” he says, taking the small photo back. He looks at it for some time before he tucks it back in the pocket and picks up the shoes once again.

His smile doesn’t falter yet and Kyungsoo allows himself to think about Chanyeol, wondering if he should have brought a picture too with him. But then, he shakes his head and kicks a rock with his foot.

“What’s the thing with Kris?” Baekhyun asks. “Ya know…he’s cold.”

“His family died in one of the raids. You could say that he doesn’t have anything to live for. He’s a good man, though. Saved my ass a couple of times.” Junmyeon laughs, pointing at a long scar on his right cheek.

“Heard that?” Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo, who’s cracking his knuckles from time to time. “If I save your bony ass…you got to love me forever.”

He digs his fingers into Kyungsoo’s arms and the latter slaps his hand until he gives up.

Two days later, a man with a thick moustache that came in a shining black car announced their departure to Pyeongyang. Everything happened too quickly for any of them to register, and in only one hour, all 6 of them were leaving behind the momentarily quietness and safety of those trenches.

“See. Not all are going. There’s still some fucking fights here and they can’t lose this crap. Strategic bullshit.” Kris says, being the last one to jump into the moving truck.

This time, it takes them 2 days to reach their destination, drenched and shivering from the pouring rain that started somewhere when they crossed the border. “Bad sign.” Kris said about it. A couple of military planes flew over them and in the distance they could clearly distinguish random fires and bombs being thrown over some villages and towns. But nothing of importance has happened to them.

The new camp is bigger than the first one and here, all of them wait right next to a tent for new orders; as they look around, they cannot recognize any of the newcomers or soldiers already there. In the distance, they can see the contours of Pyeongyang with planes surveilling it and small fires covering concrete buildings. Here, it’s still quiet.

After a couple of hours of waiting they are sent to the trenches outside the city with some other men that thy have never seen before.

“Welcome home, boys.” Kris laughs, when he steps on the ground.

Nobody else feels like laughing, but for some reason, they all do it, as a strange kind of choir.

“Is it me or it stinks?” Jongdae says, as he jumps inside the trench.

“Dead bodies, kiddo. And filthy men. You’ll get used to it.” Kris says, patting his back.

“We don’t really burry the killed ones. Just throw them out.” Minseok says.

“Sergeant Wu. Corporal Kim Minseok. Corporal Kim Junmyeon.” a man comes to greet them, shaking the other three’s hands. “New ones?”

“Just a couple of days.” Kris says.

The man in front of them has a thick beard that reaches his chest and covers his top lip and while he talks, some of the hairs get stuck in his teeth.

“Make sure they don’t shoot themselves. The ammo is all over there. You’ll occupy this position from now on. Wake up is at 0500 and keep that head on those shoulders.” the man says and leaves them all alone.

“What does that mean?”

“It means you three just hold those fucking guns and wait. Ya shoot when it’s necessary. You’re not brave. Y'are not soldiers. Y'are meat. You do as we say. If they bomb the crap out of us, then I’m glad to have met ya. If not. Better. I won’t be.” Kris says, shoving a gun each in their hands.

“They’re so…”

“You hold it and that’s it. Don’t shoot ya nuts in your sleep.”

For two days, everything is peaceful. A couple of gun shots during the night and the planes surveilling the city, as the bombs fall over the houses and apartments. But down in their trenches, life passes one day too rapidly and one day too slowly. Their stomachs keep grumbling and sometimes, Junmyeon passes Baekhyun a part of his ration.

“But why do they need us here?” Kyungsoo asks Minseok on the second day, when they are the only ones in that part of the tranches.

“If they take Pyongyang, then we’ll be the ones to clear it out…the artillery is weaker without the soldiers. And vice versa.” the man says. He looks for some seconds at the boy behind him and then he weakly smiles.

“Are you scared?”

“Are you?” Kyungsoo asks instead.

“You’d be a fool not piss your pants from time to time.” Minseok laughs, putting a warm hand over his shoulder. “They say it might end sooner. Who knows? Here, it doesn’t seem like this…”

After that, exactly when the night falls, the war hits them in full force. It all starts with a lonely shot, followed by another one and one other. For hours without end, this is the only noise they can hear, sometimes falling in sync with their heartbeats. Kyungsoo clutches the gun close to his chest, his finger away from the trigger. Baekhyun and Jongdae keep close to him, and in that first night, none of them can fall asleep. Those gun shots never reach their part of the trench, but Kris and the other two keep peaking above the ground heap and through the wood ledges. No enemy comes their way.

Until, on the fifth day, Kyungsoo feels the ground trembling underneath his feet while a couple of rocks and wooden pieces fall down as a loud noise feels the silence.

“Cunts! They’ve fucking bombed the fucking trench!!” Kris yells, picking the gun from the ground. “In the fucking daylight.”

Baekhyun suddenly takes the gun from its spot next to him and lightly touches the trigger; his fingers keeps shaking just as his breath.

“Don’t shoot right now. Don’t or I’ll fucking kick your ass.” Kris yells at him, snatching it from him.

He slowly walks over to where there’s a space between two ledges and looks through them for a couple of seconds. A bullet hits one of the backpacks and another one just the ground. There’s another shot followed by another and then by other, so rapid and none of them can tell where they are coming from.

“Fucking bastards! What kind of tactic is this?” Kris says as he drops Baekhyun’s gun down.

“They are too many!!” Junmyeon tells Kris. “You three. Coome!”

“Take these.” Minseok says, pushing some round and textured objects into their hands.

“Remove the pin. Throw these when they are close. Bend down. Repeat. Nooow!” the man yells and with trembling fingers, Kyungsoo does what he was told.

His first shot misses a man by a meter, but he still falls to the ground with a yell. Kyungsoo closes his eyes, looks any other way but not at the other’s face, shaking his head to erase the screams from his mind. Another pin falls down and the grenade hits this time someone right in the chest. He doesn’t have time to register anything, and not even the shooting and grenades seem to be enough. Another bomb lands somewhere over the city and one other somewhere in the field. Kyungsoo doesn’t understand anything, but after a while, he hears a yell close to him and when he looks to his right, he sees Baekhyun fallen to the ground, grabbing his arm with bloody fingers.

“Throw them! Now!” Kris yells, but Kyungsoo can only see blood and red before his eyes. All those men falling to the ground or continuing to run with bloody members. Another bomb falls down in the distance and Kyungsoo pukes. It’s only just water and whatever he managed to eat during the day. His stomach aches and next to him, Baekhyun keeps whimpering and shaking.

“Jongdae. Take the fucking gun and shoot. Shoot, you moron!” someone yells but Kyungsoo doesn’t know who is that.

He has always thought that the war is something organized, well thought and quick. It proves him to be wrong, as nothing makes sense around him. He pukes one more time, feeling his throat hurt and burn.

“I’ll die. I’ll die. I’ll die.” Baekhyun keeps mumbling so Kyungsoo crouches down next to him and looks around for something to tie his arm.

“You won’t.” he says and rips a long strip out of his t-shirt. It’s dirty and unsanitary, but at Baekhyun’s feet there’s already a puddle of blood. “I can’t take the bullet out. But-stop crying.” Kyungsoo says and slaps him over the face. “Stop crying, for God’s sake.”

He crouches down and pukes one more time, the hot liquid covering the blood underneath it.

“I don’t want to die, Kyungsoo. I don’t. Don’t let me die!” he whimpers, trembling and grabbing at the other’s clothes.

Kyungsoo tries to wrap the cloth as best as he can, but every time he attempts to, it slips from his fingers. Ultimately, he manages to tie a knot around it and immediately, it gets covered in red.

“We are fucking outnumbered.” Kris says, crouching down.

“Of course we are. They’ve bombed the middle part of the trench. It’s only us and God knows who.” Minseok says.

“They’ve fucking stopped the shooting.” Junmeyon says as he sits down. “For now.”

“How’s the kid?”

“Shot in the arm. I wrapped something around it…” Kyungsoo says, looking at the other.

“He needs a fucking doctor. Do you know where the fucking doctor is? 6 kilometers that way.” he points out to the camp.

“What do we do then?” Jongdae asks.

“Wait. They are bombing those rats. They probably have everything prepared. The bombing was unexpected but now they expect that we are all dead.” Kris says.

“But they’ll rescue us, right?”

“Hope is a good ol'thing.” Minseok laughs.

“I still don’t get why they bombed us. In the middle of the fucking day. And now they attack like some morons.” Kris says. “It makes no fucking sense.”

But nothing seems to make any sense, as Baekhyun keeps whimpering beside them, louder and louder. The riffles begin once again, and they can clearly see the planes throwing bombs over the industrial areas of the city.

By nightfall, they are all covered in dirt, blood and sweat; Minseok is shot in the shoulder, standing right next to Baekhyun who has managed to fall asleep.  The gun shots have stopped a while ago and in the distance, they can see a man walking towards them. He stops, right in front of Kris and looks at the other’s before he says anything.

“They fucked up ¾ of the trenches. There’s you and maybe some other ones, but in the other part. They brought the tanks and I got a message that they’ll leave us here.” the man says.

“Who told you that?” Kris asks, grabbing the walkie-talkie from his hands.

“I didn’t understand. Someone from the base?” the man shrugs, taking the device back.

“They can’t b'serious.” he says.

“If they think you are all dead. They almost have Pyongyang.”

“And you?”

“They gave me order to return to the base. You could come with me. 6 kilometers on foot.” he says, looking over at Baekhyun and then at Minseok. “Those two won’t make it.”

“Because all of you are only some selfish pigs, that’s why. Why the fuck did they bomb the trenches?” Kris shouts, grabbing the other’s collar with both hands.

“You know they don’t tolerate this…even during war.” the man grumbles and Kris lets him go.

“Let’s go. Now. Until they think once again about bombing something else.” he says and picks up his riffle. “Come on. Kyungsoo, you help Baekhyun. Jongdae, you help Minseok. Now.” he says and climbs out of the trench.

They do the walk in silence, Kris in front and Junmyeon last.

Kyungsoo can tell, from the way Baekhyun is leaning with all his weight on him that he might not make it there on his own two feet to the camp. But he keeps quiet, only some low curses or whimpers escaping his mouth.

“So…you are not a richy after all, are you?” Baekhyun asks him at some point.

“Why is it so important to you?” he asks.

Baekhyun’s arm has started bleeding heavily for some time now, the sticky liquid trickling down Kyungsoo’s uniform.

“Because…you don’t seem like one of us. You speak right and only few words…prim and proper. Not like me.” he coughs and stops. “Sorry. But it damn hurts, ya know? Is it still bleeding?” he asks, leaning on Kyungsoo.

“No.” he says. “Let’s move…you need to have that bullet out of you.”

“After all…you did kind of save my ass.” he laughs.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Don’t say that. I trust you.” Baekhyun says and in the distance, the sky becomes red as another bomb hits Pyongyang.

After 2 hours, they eventually reach the base that looks exactly how they’ve left it.

“The ones from the trenches.” the man tells to another one, pointing towards the 6 of them.

“2 are wounded. Gun shots.”

“Bring them to tent 5. The doctor is in there with the rest of them. I’m General Wang.” he says. “Pyongyang will be in our hands by tomorrow morning.” he laughs. “There is food in tent 3 and you could also wash if you want.”

Baekhyun and Minseok are rapidly ushered towards the other tent, while the rest of them are sitting on the ground of tent 3. There are some other men surrounding them, but they keep the conversations to themselves as a small group of 4 people.

“And now what will happen to us?” Jongdae asks with a mouthful.

“Have no idea. If they take Pyongyang and China capitulates, our part is over…or that’s what the friggin’ Americans keep tellin’ us. But they’ll find something else.” Kris says.

“Just pray that the war is over soon. 5 years is enough.” Junmyeon says.

“Not for them. Meat for their tanks and bombs. Those trenches were complete bullshit.” Kris says too loudly, so a couple of people glance in their direction. “Bullshit, ya hear me. Ya know what I’ll do when I’m out of this crap?”

All three of them nod and Kris laughs. “Nothing. There’s nothing for me outside the fucking war. I don’t even have a house anymore.” he laughs.

“My best friend’s father…” Kyungsoo trails when it’s silent again between them. “He could…have done something so I wouldn’t take part in this.” he huffs, suddenly thinking about the days at the boarding school, at the ball that rolled down the hill.

“Are you stupid?” Jongdae snaps. “Why are you here then?!”

Kyungsoo shrugs, playing with his food. He stills has trails of blood on his fingers and the sleeve of the uniform is covered in it. Chanyeol is probably in his new flat, somewhere safe, focusing on his studies and hearing on the news that everything is almost over.

“Pride?” Kris asks.

Kyungsoo shrugs once again, smiling lightly.

“We have over here our knight in shining armor. Another brave fool not afraid to die. Am I right?” he asks. “I was like you. There’s no bravery or courage or any of that shit in this. It’s whether you live or die. Ya win or lose. Doesn’t really matter how. And a shit ton of luck.”

It keeps being silent after Kris has spoken, all of them unsure what to say next. There is an unsaid boundary between all of them, some sort of fright of opening up to someone and sharing everything they think. With all the blood and death, they still feel like strangers to one another. Glooming over their mind is the possibility that the other two might not make it out alive.

“I have cards. Let’s play some poker. We could use biscuits as money.” Junmyeon says, retrieving some grubby cards from a pocket. Kyungsoo notices that they have some pink and colorful designs on them as he shuffles the deck.

“My daughter gave them to me 3 years ago.” he says. “Pretty good shape, wouldn’t you say?”

The atmosphere lightens once the game begins, each of them lost in thoughts of their own. When the doctor comes inside, Jongdae is the first one to notice him.

“Kris. Kyungsoo.” he whispers.

“Private Byun’s arm had to be amputated. Corporal Kim might not survive tonight. He has lung failure and the bleeding cannot be stopped. We also don’t have the necessary equipment.” the doctor says, not even looking at them.

“Are ya fuckin’ serious? Are you?”

Kris shouts, standing up and stepping over the tome of biscuits. “You are telling me that you let a man die?! That’s what you are telling me?!” he continues, grabbing the other, who is much shorter than him, by the collar of his coat. Red spots are splattered all over it and there’s even one on his right cheek.

“Kris!” Junmyeon says, pulling him away from the doctor. “It’s not worth it.”

But right then, Kris punches the man in the face, causing him to instantly fall to the ground with a loud thud. He shakes his hand, looking at his grazed knuckles that throb in pain.

“Fucker.” he mutters, stepping away. “Now fix your fucking nose.”

Nobody rushes to help the doctor stand up, so he keeps laying in the middle of the room, with blood rapidly trickling on his chin and white coat and down on the ground.

“Let’s go see Minseok and Baekhyun.” he says, walking out of the tent.

“Leave him…he’s just frustrated and sad…Minseok has been with him from the beginning.” Junmyeon says, patting the two boy’s shoulders.

“Come on…” he whispers, pushing them forward.

The tent where all the wounded has around two dozen beds in it, all of them filled with men, mostly sleeping or mumbling incoherent words. It smells like rotting flesh and antiseptic, everything impregnated by the scent of blood.

Right in the back, they notice Baekhyun and two beds further, Minseok. Kris is nowhere to be seen.

“I thought you left me here, ya know.” Baekhyun smiles.

The place where his right arm should have been is covered by bandages, all stained red.

“They gave me some morphine.” he laughs. “How’s Minseok?” Baekhyun asks.

“Good.” Kyungsoo says, squeezing the other’s hand. “He’s good.”

“He seemed so out of breath…it must suck balls. Morphine feels nice. It makes me happy.” Baekhyun laughs, trying to squeeze back Kyungsoo’s hand.

“You should get some rest.” Junmyeon says, brushing the fringe off his sweaty forehead.

“When will we go home?”

“Soon.” Junmyeon says. “You just need to get strong enough.”

“Kyungsoo…you didn’t tell me if you love someone.”

“I do. I think that I do.” Kyungsoo smiles. “Go to sleep, now.”

“I knew it.” Baekhyun laughs.

They eventually walk towards Minseok’s bed. He is already sleeping, his breathing shallow and barely audible. His bandages and sheets are splattered with blood and when all three of them look at each other, there is a tacit understanding between them all.

They find Kris outside, leaning on a tree, with a cigarette between his fingers.

“I almost managed to give up on smoking these past years.” Kris laughs. “A private gave me one.”

“Won’t you see him?” Junmyeon asks, coming closer to him.

“Ya know just as well that he’ll be dead tomorrow. Maybe even after a couple of hours. Those fucking bastards.” Kris says, blowing the smoke out into the air.

“Get those two to sleep. Its 0400.” he says.

“Go back. Now.” Junmyeon says and they both turn around on their heels and slowly walk back to the tent. They don’t speak to each other, but they don’t even know about what to talk about even.

The next day, Junmyeon finds Minseok dead in his bed. One of the nurses says that he must have died in the morning. His lung collapsed.

Kris doesn’t want to talk about anything and he doesn’t even attend the funeral held in the small forest behind the base. It’s only Junmyeon, Kyungsoo and Jongdae digging the hole and putting the body inside of it, only covered by a white sheet.

The ground keeps falling over it and at some point, the sheet falls down and if reveals one of his pale, white arms. It gets covered by more dirt, until they cannot see anything but the earth.

 

After 4 more weeks, the war is over. The USA forces and its allies have won and China eventually capitulated. They are allowed to go back home and pretend that nothing happened.

The same green truck with the same driver comes to pick them up from the base. All of them are seated in the trunk, with an empty spot left between Kris and Junmyeon. It is filled by a man with a prosthetic leg along the way.

“I thought about moving somewhere else with SeoHyun.” Junmyeon says at some point.

Kris lights a cigarette and puts the pack back into the pocket. He blows the smoke and sighs. It’s quiet once again.

“Were all of you in the same unit?” the stranger asks.

“Yes.” Kyungsoo says.

He looks out, at the fields and villages that pass by them and everything seems the same as the first time he stepped inside the same car. Only 3 months ago, not knowing anyone.

“Pyongyang?”

“Yes. Right in the trenches.” Jongdae answers this time.

He has heavy dark circles underneath his ice and his bones almost poke out through the skin.

“I heard they bombarded them. How did you make it out?” the man asks.

Kyungsoo glances at Baekhyun, at the place where his arm is supposed to be. Then at the man, imagining that Minseok was there instead of him.

“Luck.” Kris says. “Just dumb luck.”

He throws the cigarette out and looks at it until it disappears from his view. The car stops at the first camp they’ve ever been to and there there’s another one waiting for them.

Baekhyun touches Kyungsoo’s shoulder and sighs. Nobody talks, all of them looking out, avoiding each other’s gazes.

“I wonder if ma'girl will still like me.” Baekhyun laughs.

“You were ugly before, so you don’t have to worry.” Jongdae says and Baekhyun punches him in the ribs.

The trunk gets emptier and emptier and in the end, Kyungsoo is the last one to get out of it. Only when he sets foot, right in front of his parents’ house he realizes that he hasn’t exchanged any numbers with the rest of them. They didn’t hug, they only said some quiet goodbyes and watched as the other was becoming smaller and smaller behind them.

It’s quiet.

He knocks at the door and waits. His mother opens it and immediately drags him into a tight hug.

Home.

The days pass quietly and Kyungsoo sometimes picks up the phone and almost presses dial, but stops himself in the last moment.

One day, he spots Chanyeol in the town center, dressed in a crisp black suit, walking hand in hand with a girl. He turns around and their gazes meet. Chanyeol runs towards him and Kyungsoo feels glued into place. His fingers clutch around his phone, his heart beating faster and faster and when the other is only centimeters away from him, he drops the phone on the ground.

It feels once again as if he was in the trenches with soldiers running towards him and him throwing grenades in their direction. But Chanyeol doesn’t fall to the ground; he doesn’t bleed to death.

“Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol says, grabbing his hand. “You’re alive. Alive.” he smiles and brings his fingers to his mouth, kissing them.

“I thought-my father told me that you were killed near Pyongyang. He said he was sure. You’re alive. I can’t believe that you are alive. Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol says and Kyungsoo wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s middle.

He can still see those dead bodies falling and Minseok’s white arm peaking through the dirt.

“You’re alive. I love you. You’re alive.” he says and Kyungsoo’s body trembles.

He is alive.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to write something different, that doesn't focus so much on a romantic relationship.   
> To be clear, I'm not an expert in what concerns war or the military, so if I had made a crap ton of mistakes, please forgive me. This was quite a challenge to write, but one that I thoroughly enjoyed.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are well loved <3


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